i fucking hate this

i fucking hate how you wont give me a chance
how you take back your words
ALL OF YOUR FUCKING WORDS.
how you wont even change for me
how you hurt me so much
youre AWARE OF HOW MUCH YOU FUCKING HURT ME
AND YOU DONT EVEN CHANGE ANYTHING ABOUT YOURSELF.
why do you make me suffer so much..
YOURE THE ONLY ONE THATS CAPABLE OF MAKING ME FEEL THIS WAY
WHY ARE YOU TAKING IT TO YOUR ADVANTAGE
saying such stupid things..
those hurtful words..
youre the only one that does this to me..
why.. do you chose to..
yeah im fucking stupid for posting these things online
BUT ITS THE ONLY WAY THAT WILL MAKE ME FEEL BETTER
im trying to change for you
im doing the best that i can
at least be more sensitive around me..
at least show me that you..

i cant even type anything out..

still..

It keeps bothering me. How he completely dropped me as a friend. He's helped me through so much.. And now I cant even turn to him anymore. I've realized what I've done. I've said sorry.. but not in person. I was too afraid to talk to him.. Too afraid to face him. Too afraid to hear what he had to say.. Too afraid to be shamed in public. My foolishness lead to a loss of a good friend. I wasn't even aware of what I said.. did.. Shit. How can I be so fucking stupid. I can't get through a single day where this doesn't bother me.. I can't get through a single night without this situation keeping me up. My conscience is not clear and will not be clear.. I don't even feel like trying anymore.. But perhaps.. I'll give it a shot. Maybe.. If I can grow these fucking balls in time. But the thing is.. I'm afraid that it's just..
Too Late.

restraint,

it hurts. :|
purposely hurting myself so i wouldn't say anything stupid.
i have a semi lip piercing that's like two centimeters long and like a millimeter deep.
this shit hurts like a bitch. but i guess i'm improving. i learned how to stop myself. wooo. next goal: do it without inflicting physical pain to oneself. gosh this is really hard D: but i'm glad i actually did something. gg linnie gg. ):<
canker sores will be coming in a few days. i'm totally looking forward to those bitches D; damn.. first time i actually held it in. i feel good, but i feel like total bullshit at the same time. i guess this blog helps me get it out a bit, but yeah. its getting late, i gotta go study again. byebye.

pooey.

if speaking up for myself causes problems, then ill just stop and suffer on my own accord, without telling you a single thing. you would know that there is something wrong with me. but will i tell you? no. try to pry it out of my and im 100% sure that you will not succeed. every single time that i've tried to speak up, you just drag me down. you yell at me you get mad at me. shit. im just trying to get a point across here. but you know what, i've come to the conclusion that you will NEVER understand me. so why would i even TRY to have you understand. i want you to understand me so badly. but let's face the facts. YOU DO NOT LEARN. YOU WILL NOT LEARN. look at my daily life, look at how much i have changed. look in my eyes and TELL ME THAT YOU DO NOT SEE ANYTHING WRONG WITH ME. ill fucking slap you. i dare you. look into my eyes and tell me that you do not see the pain.. dont see it? *slap. dumbass. see it now? do you know the reason? i bet you dont. take a wild guess but i wont tell you anymore.
im done im done im done im fuuucking done.

I'm done.

I'm done playing by my own rules.
Now I will play by yours.
We will see if all goes well,
but most likely it will not.
Well.. I don't know.
Am I ready for this pain?
Am I ready to keep my mouth shut?
Am I ready to not speak up for myself?
Am I ready to give up everything that I stand for?
Am I ready to face this pain alone?
Am I ready.. to do this all..
for y o u?

your call

waiting for your call
I'm sick,
call I'm angry,
call I'm desperate for your voice,
listening, to the songs we used to sing..
yadayadayadayada....

i was born to tell you i love you.
and i am torn to do what i have to,
to make you mine, so stay with me tonight.

god this song reminds me of so much..
now i cant even sing it without crying.
how gay is that ):
learned it on the guitar though !
easiest tabs ever. ahha.

HUUUY. bad day bad day. ):
I'm struggling.
not just in school, but in life as well.
i have to face my fears.. well, not really.
i have to face my pain. there we go.
:/ challenge it head on and hopefully I'll win.

so this is what it has come to..

and the hardest thing to do,
is to let things happen..
i can only watch, and see for myself..
time will pass, and i will submerge in tears.

after all that i've fought for
after all the promises that i've broken
after all the effort that i've put in
after all of the hardship that i've faced
after all of the enemies that i've made
after all the pain that i've went through
after all of those hurtful things that you've said to me
after all of those tears that were wasted
after all of the bad reputations that i've made for myself
after all of those long nights and tiring mornings
after all the pain i've put YOU through
after all of YOUR tears wasted
after all the days that i've killed
after all the times i made you feel like running away
after all the times that i've made you not want me
after all those times you've pushed me aside..
after all those times i made you cry..
after all those times i've hurt you severely..
after all those times i've tried.. and tried..
so damn hard.. to try and make you become a better person
to change your lifestyle for the good.. and for our future..
but all i've done is push you away from me..
and now im paying for it.

so i guess i'll say..

i a m d o n e .

there's absolutely nothing within vincity..
that i can possibly do..
so have i..
given up?

the only thing left..
is to face the pain head on.
will i make it?
or will i be..
defeated.

oh robert,

you are my fucking hero.



love this shit.

so its 5:35 in the morning

okay so like i was editing a blog and i didnt copy and paste it right and i lost it. FUUCK. ill rewrite it tomorrow.

CAPTUNDERPANTS

:D geeet it captun - underpants
keke im weird.
welll yesterdaay was superhero day
CAUSE ITS HOMECOMING WEEEK! WOO ! :D
got to see my baaaby, (god his driving is horrible)
and yeah (:
well this is what i looked like.

captain underpants and his trusty sidekick phanaroo! :D
(phanties. LOL. pun intended.)

oh theres no more rum ):

weeheeee! today was pretty daandy :]
lets see.. my brother was being a little farthead,
and my dad left to my grandmamas!
and theen julie came over :D

and this is where the adventures began

12:30 pm
So today julie came over :D she was in a mood for baking and i was bored. so why not :] it took us forever to find a recipe online. first looking at randoms, then we decided on pound cake! ): but brenda still has both of my bread pans. and thenn, i pulled out mini bundt pans :D this gave us the idea of rumcake :D
isnt it just beautiful :]
i kinda played with the picture a little.. LOL
so it kinda.. turned out a little like this n__n

you must be overwhelmed by the cuteness <3
well anyways! since this was basically spammed by me and julie
bao and edriech were mesmerized. LOL
we talked about the rum cakes for like two and a half hours
and them niggas decided to pick me up and take me to julies house
basically so they can scarf down her portion of the rum cakes. LOL
MAN i was so freaking scared sneaking out
its like my first time in the middle of the night
scary shit man. ): i was trembling. AHHA
but i got out and yeah. when we got there they like
raced to the kitchen LOL
their faces were priceless. woo ! daang im pro :D haha jk.
and then they got seconds. heheee.
then around 4 they took me back home :D
made it back safe and sound.
SUCCESS !

and it feels as if..

my heart is being torn apart.

its so pathetic
how i have nothing to turn to but a mere blog.

ive done the wrong things
ive acted.. shit i dont know.
i just feel stupid.
apparently im "messing things up"
the "person" who told me this
DOESN'T KNOW SHIT.

ahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
im easily aggravated today.
and i thought he'd understand
but there's more than just one..
one little thing that's going on today.

roger its not just our 11th month.
there's so much more to it..
you'll never understand me will you..
and will you ever be there for me?.

i w o n d e r . .

dear stinky.

HAPPY 11TH MONTH!
gosh it's been long.
i love you darling <3
why do i always call you stinky now..
:D freaking roger.

He's in your hands now.

god, take good care of our grandfather.

i cry everytime i read this
but it's beautifully written..
and it brings back the best of memories..

this was written by wendy pham.

25 Things I'll always remember about my grandpa

One week later and he is still all I think about...
Here are a few things I'll never forget.

♥
1. He drank Bud Light with ice

2. He wore Dior velour track suit around the house

3. He wore a suit whenever he would go out, even to the grocery store

4. He gave me my first sip of beer when I was 1

5. Lunches at Song Long every weekend

6. He used Head & Shoulder shampoo

7. He would always go to South Coast Plaza. I even ran into him, once.

8. He loved going to Laughlin, NV.

9. He introduced me to oysters and everytime I eat it, I still think of him.

10. He loved Haagen Daz ice cream...especially coffee flavor.

11. His laugh

12. He always sounded so happy the way he said hello whenever we would greet him.

13. Every time he gambled, I would always ask him in Vietnamese if he ate (won) or lost. He would always smile even when he told me he lost.

14. There would always be an empty bowl with a bag of oatmeat and a spoon ready for him in the morning.

15. He raised a beautiful family

16. He enjoyed french cookies.

17. He was a good tipper.

18. He loved watching soccer (futbol)

19. He always tried to send me home with grapefuits, but never limes or lemons that he also grew in his backyard.

20. I always felt special because when I was on a trip to Laughlin with the family when I was younger, I had really wanted a puppet that the vendor was selling and he gave me the $25 to buy it.

21. He always called me on the weekends to ask if I could make it for lunch...but I always had work.

22. When he used to come home from work, he would clean, starting with cleaning the walls with a sponge.

23. He was very neat.

24. His home is where I have most of my childhood memories.

25. He will always be loved by his wife, his 5 daughters, and his 12 grandkids and he will be missed.

aww

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

updaate! :D

okay okay okay. :3 lets do this ;o

friday, august 21st :D
9 month with mah boo <3
love you baby (;
hmms. so i woke up at 6
tried to wake up roger but i couldnt ):
then i atee, i forgot what i ate :o
then i went to brendas
and roger finally woke up, which was like 11 ):
then he came over to brendas
and she was on omgpop LOL
then steven came and picked up roger
for financial aid crap
and thenn reggie picked me up to go eat :o
roger steven and sydney came a little later
(: we ate korean bbq haha.
cause it was franklins buttdaay!
happy birthday. :D
i made brownies ;o bad batch.
but everyone seemed to like it (:
afterwards we hit up davys house andddd
watched the strangers :D oh how fun.
then we had to leaaave and they dropped
me and brenda off back at brendas house.
we chilled for a bit :D i came to collect
arvics money for maple LOL
hung out wth victor junk and narith for a bit
and then cut nariths hair LO
and brenda came overr and we just chilled
till like o.o 10 or 11.
idk but yeaaah.
then i went home and mapled <3 :D

satuhhhday
stayed home, mapled, yeah thats it. LOL
oh and talked to roger all day (; <3
:o we gpqed that day!
it was pretty fun ): but confusing.
first one was an EPIC PHAIL.
but the second one was PROOO <3
hehe.. (; oh andd
we had a 3 way :D
me nancy and davy.
talked till 7:30 AM.
then crashed (:

i guess sunday?
woke up at 9:30 :o
2 hours of sleeep.. haha
but but went on maple..
LMAO i sound like a no life
but me nancy and phanaro had a nice talk :D LMAO
ah so funnny.
talked to roger all day again :o
nothing else interesting that day.

moonday!
maple.. ):
i swear i have nothing to do.
i was supposed to go to nikkis house ):
but i couldnt T__T
so did nothing that day.
oh! vi and kang came over
it was pretty cool.
and then i went back to doing nothing.
boring day
parents dragged me to grandparents at night ):
went home at like 10:30 ish.
talked to roger..
and ill stop there.. :/

tuesdaay! :D
woke up my boo <3
hes so cute when hes sleepy (: tehe.
i love you i love you i love youuu :D
i went back to sleep
then cynthiaaa came over!
weeheeeheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
had fun fun funn
me nancy and julie were supposed to
prankcall phanaro LOLOLL
funny shit. but he didnt pick up ):
so i went to brendas at two :D
called my baby.. cause i missed him. :/
chilledd, she made dumplings. potstickers. whatever.
then chilllled :D and and talked about stuffs
then we made jello :D
i ended up not even eating one ): aws. oh well.
then i tried to teach her how to play pollen and salt
hm... then thidas! :D
we hung in her room
talked about the future ;o
and she brought us icecream :D
it was sooo goood.. yummm..
i think it was toffee :D
but yeah narith was on maple LOL
junk came overr
then we just chilled and talked
then went outside
played footbaaall
but the girls didnt play (:
we walked the doggie and talked instead
did that till like 8 i guess :o
then me thida and raven went running!
from poppy and cherry all the way to mcdonalds and back
without stopping! :o
i gave up 3/4 of the way LOL
first time working out this summer
and thats where junk and brenda were so i just walked with them
(: pretty cooool
then we just went back to thidas and talked moree <3
then i had to go home ):
ate a looooot
called my baaaby <3
when he showered me and nancy decided to call phanaro
EPIC EFFING PHAIL
omgomgomgo
i fkin cracked up so badly LMAO
T__T maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayun
but then roger callled me back and i guess
nancy let me talk to him till like
he fell asleep
and so i did so. :D <3
had a nice talk. tehe. then he went to sleeep.
then we called phanaro again
i said everything ): but hes boring
LOL dangit. but yeah
omgomgomg he like just called me RIGHT NOW
and said "hey sorry about yesterday. i was in an
area with bad reception. what did you need?"
and i whispered "hiii..."
and he was like o.o who the fuck is this
and i was like "guess...."
and he just hung up. LOLOL
whatta faggooot.
yeah then i slept at 2 (:

woke up just now kinda :o
well like at 9:30
i got bored (: so i updated this.
sorry for wasting your time ;o
byebye~

happy 9 month

(: title says it all.
love you roger <3

what a lovely bonfire (:

bolsa chica baby :D haha.
@ tower 22

this blog will be long. very long.
it might bore you.


lets see. i was supposed to sleep at 2 ):
ended up sleeping at four.
i had to get up at five. argh. only one hour.
my love woke me up (:
he was like, hey we're gonna be there before 5:30.
so get ready fast.
i got scared that id lagg.. so..
i woke up, peed, brushed my teeth, washed my face,
put on my makeup, did my hair, got dressed,
all in eight minutes. LOL
freakin record man.
they didnt pick me up till like 5:30-40 though
cause DAVY was taking a hella long time
to freakin get ready LOL.
it was me roger reggie and davy.
and so, we headed to the beach <3

it was still dark out :o idk. the car ride was nice.
sitting beside my boo (: talking casually.
it was great. and the sun slowly came out :o
reggie let me try this one coffee soymilk. LOL
daayumn that shit was soo good.
tasted like coffe icecream :D ahah
we got there around 6 ish :o
tried to look for a pit. and i swear
THERE WERE NONE. ):
like all the pits were reserved and such.
but then all of a sudden :o
davy found one ! but like rofll
that was the shittiest pit ive ever seen. AHHA
jk. its like everyone ignored it (X
but it was coool ahha (:
we found scrap wood to throw in the fire :D
broke it up and such. i was just sitting down watching.
^^^^^lazyass - ness. :o
but then we unloaded the car [:
put down the mat and just chilled.
reggie was playing his guitar
davy was sitting on the sand?..o.o
and me and roger just held onto each other.. <3
it was really nice.. (: thenn we were free styling ! LOL
buttsex buttsex buttsex buttsex buttseeeeeeeeexx !
teehee. then davy taught us a cardgame :D
it was funn. then yeaah. morning was real nice.

then! quyen quach and adrian came :o
the guildies! haha. (maplestory.. )
and yeh we just chilled and talked
played a few cardgames
played on the guitar
man reggies a genious.
he took a blanket and tied it to like
one of the chairs
and since it was windy
it made a little o__o idk fort? LOL
well a cannopy like thingie :D
it was like soo cool under there
like outside was all hot
and BAM it was nice and cool.
idk it was tiiighhhttt pwhaha.
more people came. brought cuppiecakes
chilled. :] and yeaah
we wanted to go swimming! :o
sunblock timee. haha
and OH. omg.
we made this giant ring of death LOL
it was so cool. but took hella long to make.
but man it was hugee !
they made me dig too.. LOL
shiet. im sore cause of that :o ahah

more and more people came. (:
me and roger decided to take a little walk
down by the shore..
ahah that was my favorite part of the day..
it was so romantic.. tehe..
i love him. (:
oh! and there was this girl named ann? anh?
idk. o.o but like yeah
she walked up to me and said
"hey you know celina right?"
and im like yeaah :D
and she was like oh we're lovers (;
so you can be my lover too. LOL
it was kinda cool. but im still trying
to figure out how she knew that i knew celina o__o
weird.. ahah. she was really nice. :]

then we went back ! chilled again.
oh :D and we were playing
ninja and the one legged game in the circle :D
and the guys wrestled. ahah
man quach was pwning everyone
freaking.. captain of the varsity wrestling team.. LOL
yeah it was funn.

then we finally went swimming!
water was really cold ):
and the sand hurted like a bietchh
huge rocks and shells everywhere.
but after the break, the sand was really soft :D
the waters really clear and blue too :3
waves were nice.. but kinda crazy
i got owned. like there was a big wave
and after it was over, i got up
and got hit by another one,
and then i got up
and hit by another one ): LOL
water was so salty T__T
i drank so much of it that i actually burped.
siick.. but yeah
roger gets tired really easily.
and davy kept on getting toe cramps LOL
david and steven didnt know how to swim..
so they hung out in the shallow part :o
but eh. i liked it in the water (:
holding onto roger..
tehe.. kissed a few times.. :D
idk it was great.
then we got out. :o cold as hell.

went off to the shower!
me roger davy and.. i forgot who else it was.
but we went to go wash off :]
waiting in line and everything
when we finally got there
all the girls come and steal it
like wth ): but they were like
let the couple have it. :D
ahha. i took a while to clean off T__T
so much sand in my buttocks. HAHA
but it was nice afterwards.
cold though.
but me and roger ran it off :D ahha
grabbed our towels and woo !

a lot of people were there by the time
we got back and such.
like arvic jed and edriech :D
lakewood kids! for once.. haha
sat down, watched them wrestle again.
:o but nooo ! justin wrestled dominico?.. o.o
and fractured his toe ):
so sydney steven and justin had to leave..
we were looking so forward for like
sydney and sota to meet :D LMAO
and and pwn him in freestyle.. AHAH
that wouldve been amazing.
but yeah they went to the bathroom to cleanup i guess.

so me and roger sat down for a bit i guess.
watched them play for a while.
ninja and the one legged game. ahha
omg reggie beat quack at the one legged thingy
LOLOL wth quach* ahha quack..
anywaaays..
quach had competition with wrestiling!
i forgot who wrestled him but like
dangg it was good. but like always
quach ended up winning. LOL
syd steven and justin came back
yeah he was hurt. :[ so davy drove them to their car.
me and roger had to reserve the parking spot.
and omg there were some bitchyass people.
some were just like, reserving?
and we were like, yeahh. sorry abt that
and theyd be like, oh its cool. and drove off.
but thenn i met this total bitchh
i tried to explain to him that our friend was hurt
but then he was all, soo its just a parking space
ive been driving around for half an hour already
and im like we need it. hes coming back right now.
and hes like what if it takes two hours
then im like hes just dropping them off at the entrance
theres nothing i can do about it. sorry
then the bitch was like, you can do something.
you can MOVE. -.-
and i was like, sorry, i cant let you do that.
walked back to the parking spot
and the bitch drove off. LOL
and yeah davy came back.

we chilled with a bunch of different groups.
everyone like branched off.
we went to edriech and jed :D
they were jaamminnn ahaha
edriech was playing pollen and salt :]
then we hung out with reggie and thems :o

roger was cold.. so his tummy hurted ):
and we went to go change.
i was waiting for roger outside and then
jennifer le came to the bathroom and stuffs
we just talked casually and everything :]
it was nice. then she asked if i could wait for her
and i was like yeaah :]
roger walked out, and i went in to change.
got back out and those two were talking.
walked back and yeh (: hung out with everyone
ate korean bbq & hotdoggos with hamburger buns!
LOL it was good. they used like
spicy italian sausages instead of hotdogs
it was kinda cool :D haha.
hung out. missed the sunset ): lol
my hair afroed! :o
man i was so ugly.
so i put my shades onn LOL

so i just went on my tippy toes,
wrapped my arms around roger,
and we were kissing.. (:
all of a sudden i hear
"PDAAA!"
who else could it be..
JULIE. LOL
so unexpected. it was her and kanya.
they walked alll the way over here
just to say hi .__. weird. rofl

night was really cold.
davy gave me and rogers blanket away ):
i was sad. and shivering. T__T
roger wasnt warm enough.
cause he was cold as well ): LOL
eh it felt better when i sat on him though,
so yeh we finally decided to start the fire :D
it was warm. a little too warm. T__T
felt like my face was burning.
oh and we made smores :o
damn roger burns the marshmallows ):
and i didnt toast it enough. LOL
i guess we balance each other out :]
eh it was pretty good though.
so yeah.. for the rest of the night
i wasnt in that good of a mood.
a few things killed it.
and i really wanted the blanket back ):
so i made davy go get it. haha.
me and roger were like an eggroll LOL
two asians wrapped in a blanket in front of a fire.
yum. haha. sounds good right now.. (;
if you know what i mea.. jk LOL
cold as hell, didnt feel good,
so anticipated to go home. sadly..

cleaned up at like 9:25
got everything ready
put stuff in the car
and went around to say bye to everyone (:
hugged a bunch of people :]
said bye to quyen first.
gave her a bigole hug for like
10 seconds. LOL
i guess im her little sister now
since roger keeps wanting us to be closer
strange.. ahah. but we just went with it.
then said bye to anh. hugged and everything
totally felt up on me. made roger jealous. LOL
i bett maan. (;
touched my ass and everything ;o
pshh. i liked itt.. LOL :D
and then sota. :o
i thought i wouldnt like her much
cause roger was like totally in love with her
for three years LOL like in middleschool
and i think freshman year.
ahah but shes actualy really nice. :]
too bad sydney didnt get the chance to meet her. LOL
and yeaah. waved bye to every one else.
got the mat and chair and left. :o
dropped david off at the entrance.
cause we didnt want him to like
walk all the way over there :o ahah
then we were off !
ah shiet i think i left my ipod in reggies car.
it was a nice ride home.
holding onto my boo.
talking and such.
about this one girl there
that was a total flirt. LOL
and she had a bf.. .__.;;
but yeah. dropped me off at home
hugged reggie, said bye to davy
i dont remember if i hugged roger or not..
but we said our gooodbyes,
had one final kiss.. and i was gone.
i dont think im seeing him for a long time..
got grounded today.
(descriptions why later.)
went inside and the first thing i did was..
SHOWER :3
there was sand in my butt still LOL
and my feet were like dyed black T__T
and yeah. called roger.
he just got out of the shower
and hes gonna play dotaa.
told him to call me after he was done
and yeaah. :]
i went on aim, maple, myspace, and facebook
talked to reggie richard julie robert?..
and i was gonna ko. D:
so went off the comp
called roger and said that ima ko and everything.
so he was like ill call you after im donee
so i took a nap, he called me half an hour later
but i didnt pick up ):
but i woke up like an hour after that
shyet.. called him back
said goodnight and everything
and the next day comes.
i was with him for 17 hours yesterday..
how great is that.

my mom found out abt my star testing results.
bitched at me all morning.
i cried like hell
she said she doesnt believe me
( refer to previous post :D )
doesnt trust me
and calls me a dumbass -.-
ugh i got so mad.
so i emailed my teacher and everythingg.
but my moms grounding me for the rest of summer
): how gay.. i have like.. three weeks left..
horrible.. oh well.. what can i do. :/

well yeah. just talked to roger.
about college and everything.
made him brush his teeth. LOL
boy was too lazy to..
and yet his breath never stinks .__. ;;
he went to sleep early..
cause tomorrows his first day of college!
): aww.. my babys in college now.
i hope he has a nice day.
dangit im tearing up now. ahah
ahh i swear.. i love that boy to death.

its just a misunderstanding

): okay wells. an incident happened earlier in the year.
star testing? let me explain myself,
okaayy so there was a typo in the instruction booklet for the alg2 portion.
they gave us two hours and a half for part one, which was shorter than part two.
and them bitches gave us half an hour for part two.
NO ONE BOTHERED TO COME INTO THE CLASSROOM
AND TELL US THAT IT WAS A MISTAKE.
so when i took part one, i was fine, took my time i guess?
part two. i rushed like a bitch. i had like 70 questions to do in HALF AN HOUR
like wtfeaaziess!!? T__T
i only completed like 20 questions, skipping random ones from here to there,
WHILE RUSHING.
had a few minutes left and i just bubble in RANDOM SHIT because
everyone around me told me to.
so i did that.. T__T
guess what i effing scored.
A 239 OUT OF FREAKIN 600.
results came home today
so now my dads calling me a dumbass.
and saying that i never try hard enough.
and he wont effing believe me..
so i emailed my teacher. :P but idk..
T__T i dont think i can go to the bonfire tomorrow ):
maaaaaaaaaaan... *dies

fuckin..

yet another night where linnie is mildly pissed.
and very sad. ):

kirbymoomoo: wow
kirbymoomoo: no offensive
kirbymoomoo: a-hole

thats what junk called roger.
and id have to agree.

i really miss the past..
well if you wanna find out what happened justask me
i dont feel like posting it anymore.
aim - underoath7350

its been a long day.

well yeah. pulled another almost-allnighter XD
had to wake roger and reggie up at six.
but then reggie said wake him up at 8.
and so i did so. :]
woke up at around 10ish
and my dad said the weirdest thing.
"dont read your book. go hangout with your brother and his fiancee"
WOWZERS. O__O
yeah he kinda made me.
he even gave me money?..
like wtf. i went from having ten pennies in my wallet
to having 60 dollars and 10 cents. craazy.
butt :D we went to westwoood.
hung out for a bit and ate at this one place :D
hrm it was called Campagnola? :] idk
but it was soo good..
like like we just ordered all appetizers :D
spicy kingcrab&artichoke dip
grilled mushroom salad
calamari fritto
and and stone grilled clams :D
omgg *orgasm
and freakin ngan got like
a puny cranberry mojito and she was like
:D wanna try some? LOL.
and she got really red and tipsy. rofl
and theeenn <3
DIDDY RIESE! omgahhh.
best cookies in the freakin WORLD
i bought two dozens again :D
chocolate chip walnut and white chocolate macadamia :3
sooo goooodd...
:D thenn we went to westfield century city shopping center
walked around for a bit, went in a few stores,
dude i love the ambiance there. its like
so relaxing and calm :]
its outdoors and everything..
like, a higher class "the block"
idk it was like reaaallly nice though
and everything was so high tech
like omg the parking lot was SOOO COOL
there were like signs telling you how many parking spots were in a little section and such
:D and and like theres a light above the parking spot.
if its green then you can park in it
its soooo coool.. haha
and and we went to watch
GI JOE !
omfg that movie was soo goood..
like a lot better than i expected
wooooo.. haha. but yeah
when i got home my mom was like
WTF WHYD YOU BUY SO MUCH COOKIES
YOU GONNA GET FAT. LOLOL
jesus. (: tiring day.
very tiring. but it was great. :D


omfg did i tell you ?
there was a BIGASS SPIDER IN MY BATHROOM
like.. yesterday at 4am ):
so i got hairspray
AND GOT DAT BITCH GOOOOOD.
seriously. LOL like it couldnt move at all anymore.
what i used?..
tresemme tres two (:

looks like

i just pulled an all nighter :D
its pretty outside :3

yet another sad night..

:[ well at least i finished all my summer hw today
*sigh.
i was looking forward all day to this moment now
being able to talk to roger.. with all my homework done..
as a great reward.. yaknow?
and now hes going out..
i rushed myself all day
i put in so much effort
and i get this.
yeah im kinda crying..
not kinda. i am crying.
its like, i did that all for nothing
i couldve taken my time
be relaxed all day
and unstressed..
but instead.. he goes out with his friends..
i havent been this sad in a really long time.

i feel great.

i guess i've finally came to my senses.
realized all the ive done to cause that boy
any troubles.. whether i hurt him,
made him mad, sad, upset, or frustrated.. ah;
how could i be so stupid..
i can be so irrational at times. (X
well we can ignore that little bloggie i posted earlier. :3
i guess we talked everything over.
though i sure was being naive and immature. :/
well i am still a little kiddoooo.
but idk. i guess when i apologized..
idk. it was really hard for me to apologize.. :[ idk why
*well duh linnie you came to your senses. dumbass. LOL*
but yeah.. i cried.. so it had to mean something.
man it was gay though. crying felt so good.
but my mom walked in my room and ]:< i had to stop
and pretend i was sleeping. LOL. but at least i got some of it out.
idk maan. i feel so.. i just feel great right now. its like..
I FEEL LIKE A BRANDNEW.. ? toothbrush :D jk
*yeah nigga that must feel pretty dannndy*
i guess me and roger can get through every little thing together.
no matter how hard it can be..
who wouldve known.
that id already found that perfect guy for me. [:
i swearr. i love that boy too much.
): im too corny. *hmph.
teehee. i doubt that he'd read this. :D
love you baaabyy <3
oh no i just got the pee shivers.
you know what that means! :D
goodbye bloggiee :p

turns out..

lets see.
i guess i was trying to finish guns germs and steels today, including all the hw.
i wouldve.. BUT. =__=
fuucckinng roger.
going out and coming home late and everything.
lagging like a bitch.
he even forgets about me.
like wth, i have to call him like,
so many goddamn times
and all he says is
"whoops i forgot"
now im left pissed off,
not knowing what the hell to do.
i cant focus or do SHIT.
yeah sorry im scary when im mad.
he told me he wasnt going out.
GUESS HE LIED AGAIN. jesus.
and hes at some girls house
that i freaking dislike. A LOT. <-- spur of the moment
and hes not even texting me back
like wtf. what a jerk..

beaaachh <3

:D tooooodaay!
was a blaast nikkuhhh.
went to hunnington beach wth;
nghi celine dom and sa. :D
friggin ti was supposed to go but she woke up late )<
but daaannggg nghi picked me up EARLY ):
like at 10 ish? mang i slept at like 4 yesterdaay.
but yeeah :D

we got jamba juice!
and then headed to the beeach :]]
it was so pretty ahah
the sand burnt mah tosies.
:] we got in the wataahh
and the waves were sooo big.
like my pants came down each time ): LOL
ewewew..
hmm :] but like,
doms fell down all the way. LOLOLOL
:D AND SHE BUMPED INTO A FAT LADYY
teehee.
and wtfawk.
me and celine went in too deep i guess?
and the lifeguard came after us
i guess it looked like i was struggling because i was taking the hair out of my face
so she was like
GRAB THE BUI
(booey? bui? IDK. but it sounded likeboo - ey )
and i was like o.o why
and she was like
GRAB THE FREAKING BUI. LOL
so i was like
okayokayokay. -__-
and celine was like there and she was like,
SWIM BACK NOW
and celine was like, im trying.
and she was like
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! SWIM BACK
and celine was like
IM TRYING
and she was like
SWIM BACK NOW.
YOU KNOW WHAT, HOLD ONTO THE BUI. NOW
... she couldnt even pull us back. LOL
like ookay crazy lady
i couldve totally walked back
like my feet were touching the sand and everything
IT WASNT EVEN DEEP
fking white people. LOL
kinda killed my day. cause she was stupid.
:D we played with sea cicadas? omg there were so many. haha
and omgomg a lot of sand got in celines undies
and it was falling out
so it looked like she was pooping. LMAO

thenn we had to leave ):
walked around a little, went into shops and such
:D i bought a new dresss ahha
and new sunglasses :]
yeah i had to walk around with my afro ): LOL
went back to sa's, chilled for a bit
then nghi took me home.
and decided to crash my place for food. LOL
dom and celine were there too.
butt :D my mommy made shrimp scampie
it was yummmyyy <3
and i made them a nice warm cup of coffee :]
and yeah they left to the grandparents.
and oh my gawd.
for the first time in my life,
I GOT SUNBURNT.
THE BITCH
ITCHES LIKE HELL
AND IT HURTS ):
*dies

ucla!?

:D went to LA with phuong dave and cynthia today
it was pretty fun :]
they dropped me and cynthia off at bestbuy and we just went off from there.
we walked around like 3 blocks deciding what to eat
cause we were uber hungry :[
couldnt decide what to eat
everything sounded good T__T
pizza? in n out? korean stuffs? taco bell? burgers?
rawwwr. and dessert too!
gelato, yougurtland, diddy riese?
:D after walking around for a hella long time,
we decided to eat tacobell because it was cheap and filling
and diddy riese because it was good :]
THE COOKIES ARE SOO BOMB
i bought two dozen.
one dozen chocolate chip and another white choco macadamia :D
but i think that bitch just gave me plain white chocolate :[
rawr oh well. its still yummytastic.
nomnomnom. eating them right now :]
theeeeeennnn we walked around ucla :D
funfunfun
and then i went home
AND CLEANED MY ROOM FOR THE FIRST TIME THIS SUMMER
omgad. its so cleaaaan<3 :]
well yeah. now im on the phone with mah boo :D
gonna sleep soon. :]
nighty.

<3

:D yay first bloggiee?

alright alright let's do this.
well to start things off, i guess this week was preeeetty dandy.

on moonndaayy!
went to rogers house and hungoutt :D
:[ im afraid of his mom now.
dkhgjfkdg T__T
but it was nice. :]
we fell asleep together on the couch and everythingg
i think at one point i almost fell off the thing LOL
but he caught me :]
idk i just thought it was cute. ahah <3

but yeah :D tuesday,
it was me and rogers 8th month <3
love you baby.
the thing is, we were low on money.
i had one dollar and three quarters in my wallet :[
so instead of going out, we just hung at brendas!
with steven there of course :D
:O i cut steven and rogers hair
steven looks like a little korean boy now LOLOL
and rogers such a cutieee<3
soo we went on an adventure to target and and douglas!
their fries are soo good. :] haha
we go so much. the manager there like
greets us and asks us how our day was and everything LOL
ah it was fun. :]
after that we just went to brendas house and like
WE BLEW A BUNCH OF BUBBLESS :D
teeheeee


wednesdaayy i had an ortho appointment :o
but i woke up too late :[ so i had to reschedule.
:D so it was at 1 instead of 11.
got turquoise againn.
braces hurted like a bietch.
so after that i got boba at tastetea!
avacado avalanche :D it was gooood ahah
and and then i made my dad take me to like
barns&nobles to get summerreading shiets
i bought one book and and hit fookie up for the other one :o
so i went to his house and got the book :D
nigga didnt pick up his phone. faggot.
:] jk well anyyyways
for the rest of the day i just mapled, ate, and took shits.
LOL jk.. not really.

THURSDAY.
:] went to brendas house.
hung out with her and steven for a while.
and theennnn, reggie picked me up! :D
drove me and roger to rogers place. :]
how nice. haha nooot.
we had a 10 dollar fee. LOL
cheapass roger made me pay half. jk
but yeahh when we got there
freakin nigga made me read like 80 pages of guns germs & steel.
gayass shiet right there.
like 13k years of history!?
its like a freaking textbook with more elaborate writing
and, NO PICTURES. )<
well yeahh. cause they were like rearranging furniture
and cleaning up and everthing.
but after that we watched umm godsend and spirited away? ahah gay
:] i like his moms cooking. ahah
she made like canh chua.
yummyyummyyy :D
since the little incident on monday, i was afraid of her :[
and what she thought of me T_T
but like oh my gawd.
it was too late for me to bus back
so so his mom drove me home..
since she was going somewhere afterwards,
roger didnt come with.
it was me and her in the car. just me and her
and omgg it was so awkward and scary :[
but yeaahh she dropped me off at brendas and stuffs and we just chillleddd :D
did we go to douglas? i dont remember.
at home i just mapled and talked on the phone with roger for hoursss

friday!?
:D HAPPYHAPPY FUN DAAY
lololl
me brenda roger and steve hungout :]
it was like a study day haha
until roger came :]
then we were just goofing off.
then effing roger like
STARTED READING MANGAS.
i had to flatiorn his hair for him too .__.
while he read.
fuckhead. jk
so afterwards i went to go hang out with steven and brenda in her parents room
AND THERE, WE FOUND THE ALMIGHTY COMDOM
that expired in 04. LMAO
sooo, we decided to open that shit up and fill it up with water. HAHA
it was like, a really soft and squishy titty. LOL
roger finally got done wth his manga and came over and thenn
we drew a face on it end everything. and brenda almost dropped
like so many times LOL
we were squeezing it and and putting it in our shirts
and laying on that shit
brenda put her face on it. LOL
but yeah. it was me roger and brenda on the floor
we were kicking the thingy back and forth cause it looked funny
and then, *moment of truth
brenda kicked that shit
AND IT BROKE :[
rip.. HAH
:]
then it was just me and roger in her parents room.
brenda and steve went into brendas room.
but then idk roger fell asleep. i tried to sleep too
but i wasnt tired. so i went into brendas room to get the camera.
yeah i was gonna take pictures of him :] LOL
i swear hes so adorable when hes asleep <3
but yeah. i walked into them making out like ANIMALS
like like KJHGFDHGNFDGHFSG LOOL jk
but it was so funny...
the camera was in the parents room .__. stupid me.
but roger ended up waking up cause of brenda and steven
so i laid back down with him, and yeah he falls asleep again.
(: so i kissed him on the forehead and got up,
grabbed the camera, and started taking pictures! tehee.
then when i was done i got back on the couch.
he woke up a little and i guess he went back to sleep.
but he didnt. i didnt know that.
so idk i was just watching him "sleep"
and started thinking about us and everything
*corny shit corny shit corny shit corny shit
and the next thing you know,
a tear fell from my eyes.
a happy tear :]
and then more happy tears came out and he opened his eyes
told me to stop and everything. and yeah i did.
so we just laid there, looking into eachothers eyes :D
and thenn, the obvious happens.
we start making out. LOLOL
and idk after that we just went outside and hung out with brenda and steve
went to douglas, AGAIN.
got a bigole chicken salad and brenda and steve got chili cheese fries
ahh *orgasm
we ate soooo much.
and yeah after that roger left to sydneys and me brenda and steve
went to his gmas house and hung for a bit :D
his little cousin?.. IS SO ADORABLE.
but yeah after that we just went back to brendas and ate even more.
and i went home, and ate more and more. LOL
ahh great day.



saturday, stayed home. did so much crap that i normally wouldnt do
like what, i curled my hair for no reason,
i cleaned up a bit
i READ
i painted my toenails
theyre pretty.. LOL
um um
put on makeup for no reason
and of course maple
and ate like a fat bitch
but at night went to the grandparents :]
hung with celine and dom :D
went crazyyy and talked for hours
we ended up teasing each others hair like crazy
we went outside to show everyone and they were cracking up LOLO
ah it was funny.
but as we were leaving.. :/
there was so tension. but im not gonna say.
so we kinda left really late.
but when i got home i called roger and yeaah :]
made him sleep early that night. like at 3. XD
but i had to take a major poopie and got out at 3:45 LOL
but i didnt sleep till like 5 :[
cause i showered and yeah.
but then i ended up going to sleep.

and TODAY. *finally...
woke up at 11 :[ so early
my sister was like jumping on me. jk
butyeah :] went to cynthia dangs housee !
my sisterinlaww teeheee
hungout and and i fell asleep at 3 and didnt wakt up till 6 :[ LOL
we were watching this video that richard showed me the other day
richard, mexican richard. cheech. LOL or cooch. AHHA
but yeahh it was funny :]
then we were watching coffee prince!
omg its so good and funny ahah
and that was the first time that i had
garlic parmesan CHEEZEITS. yum.
but yeah i went home at like 8
:] had springrolls for dinner!
i ate a lot.
and after that i had a whole bigass bowl of blueberries and grapes
and then made some greenteaa ahha


and now, im finishing this up
and listening to roger and davy being total retards playing dota.
LOL
sorry i wrote so much :]
i guess its expected. :D